tx_tart asked for
Five Reasons Rodney Doesn't Have Sex With John, TBTILAF-verse
1. Because John's father is in town.
"What? What is it?" Rodney asked when John drew back and rubbed the back of his hand against his mouth. Horror at the prospect of John changing his mind warred with the comforting assurance that of course he had been right and Radek owed him big time.
"Nothing," John said too quickly. "I mean, it's just." He glanced toward the window and sat up, his back against Rodney's wall. "My dad knows everything."
"Well, you don't have to tell him," Rodney said. "And seriously, how much juvenile deliquency do you get away with, claiming he's out of town and he'll never know?"
"Yeah, well," John said, licking his lip in an entirely distracting way. "He's not out of town right now. And I just think -- " He shrugged. "I just think that if we have sex, he's going to be able to tell."
Rodney looked at John's face and saw that his eyes were bright, the tips of his ears red, and his jaw was tense.
"Okay," he said abruptly, picking up the physics book and dumping it in John's lap. He got a flash of pleasure watching John quickly push the book lower on his thighs. "In that case, we get to do entropy equations."
"Who ever told you that your version of porn was cool?" John asked, but his smile was grateful.
~ ~ ~
2. Because Jeannie's banging on the door.
"This is hot, right?" Rodney said hopefully from his sprawl atop John.
"Not really, no," John replied dryly, but at least his hand was still stroking slowly, just under Rodney's waistband.
"Rodney!" Jeannie shrieked from the other side of the door. "What are you and John doing in there? Can I come in? I want to come in!"
"C'mon," Rodney tried. "We're doing that 'dancing the line of forbidden passion thing' right?"
John raised an eyebrow and stilled his hand.
"Rodney! I bet you guys are looking at porn!"
"Public sex kink?" Rodney tried. "Almost getting caught is really hot?"
"Trust me," John said, pulling his hand back and pushing at Rodney's shoulders. "Almost getting caught by your 12-year-old sister is doing nothing for me."
"Fine," Rodney muttered, pushing himself to his feet.
"Rodney!" Jeannie screamed. "Are you and John having sex in there?"
"No," Rodney said as he went to unlock the door. "As a matter of fact, we aren't."
~ ~ ~
3. Because John's cover is slipping.
"Rodney, I can't this week," John said, keeping his voice low even though the glass of the phone booth was fairly soundproof.
"Why not?" Rodney demanded, but his voice had that distracted quality that meant he was really looking at the results of some experiment and not hearing John at all.
"Because if I spend every weekend holing up in a hotel with my best buddy from high school, someone's gonig to start to talk," John snapped. The silence on the other end of the phone was deafening and he knew that he'd finally gotten Rodney's attention. "So I'm going to hang out with the guys in my squadron and do some hiking and go see Funny Farm and whatever else. You can come down next week, okay?"
"Yes, well. I'll see if I can fit it into my busy schedule. Since we're making unilateral decisions, now." And Rodney hung up.
And that's when John knew that he was in the doghouse. Rodney got plenty mad, but he was always the last to hang up.
~ ~ ~
4. Because John's cover is a dumb blonde.
Rodney hasn't stopped talking about Sam Carter since the restaurant and frankly, John's pissed off. Yeah, Carter's great. That's why he brought her with him, that's why he introduced her to Rodney.
Then again, he should have known Rodney would love her.
"I mean, her theories on Lorentzian spacetime is patently ridiculous, but wow, she's hot. I love dumb blondes."
"Don't let her catch you calling her that," John says, a little more snappishly than he intended.
"Yeah, well, she'd probably kick my ass," Rodney agrees cheerfully, kicking off his pants and throwing himself on the bed, hogging the pillows. "I can't believe you get to hang out with her all the time and you can still complain about that place."
John rolled his eyes as he stripped down. "Right, because my entire day is staring at Sam Carter. She's a friend, Rodney. We let people think what they want because it's convenient. Not because -- " He shrugged.
"I'm just saying," Rodney said, closing his eyes and moving his hand under the covers. "If you wanted to tap that, I'd be okay with it. Of course I'd need a detailed recollection, a play-by-play if you will, because the idea of you and her is just -- "
That was it. John grabbed the coverlet of the other bed and dragged it back with more force than entirely necessary, and crawled in. "Hey," Rodney asked, sitting up. "What are you doing over there?"
John didn't answer.
~ ~ ~
5. Because John's on a foreign deployment.
Rodney had very little use for the nightly news but since John was off in some godforsaken backwater country (okay, Italy, but he was flying over some godforsaken backwater country, which, granted, hadn't been quite so godforsaken or backwater five years earlier) he had CNN in the background as he brushed his teeth and stripped down to his t-shirt and boxers.
It wasn't like they got to live together or anything, but a fair amount of John's stuff had migrated into Rodney's house and it's nice to see it around before he turns off the television and flips the lightswitch. In the dark, Rodney closes his eyes and thinks about John as he touches himself before going to sleep.
If he'd left CNN going for another 30 seconds, he would have heard reports of an F-16 going down in hostile territory and wouldn't have slept a wink.
~ ~ ~
ceteramisto asked for
Five television shows John and Rodney wish they could explain to Teyla and Ronon but can't.
1. The West Wing
"I am enjoying the new television shows you have brought from Earth," Teyla said carefully.
"But?" John asked expectantly, knowing something was coming and dreading it.
"What does Joshua Lyman mean when he spoke of a Secret Plan to Fight...Inflation?" Teyla asked.
"I think," John said, "there's a tv show about ferris wheels out there somewhere."
~ ~ ~
2. Sports Night
"So let me get this right," Ronon said, licking his bottom lip. "These, people, on the box? They're going to pretend to be people on a box?"
"Yes, well," Rodney said, "you pretty much want to ignore anything with "sports" in the title anyway."
~ ~ ~
"And this show, is all about people who want to be on the box," Teyla said.
"And all the people it takes to put them on the box," Ronon put in.
"Well, yes," John nodded. "Yeah, you guys got it!"
Ronon shook his head. "I don't get why everyone sits around and watches the box."
~ ~ ~
"There's this guy," John explained. "And he looks a little like General O'Neill --"
"Oh, please," Rodney interrupted. "Maybe if General O'Neill grew a mullet. Anyway, the character isn't the point. The point is that he uses science to make highly improbable escapes from dangerous situations."
"So he...acts as Doctor McKay does on our missions?" Teyla asked.
"Well," John said doubtfully.
"Hm. Well, yes," Rodney said, puffing up a little. "Exactly."
"Did this MacGyver guy get shot in the ass, too?" Ronon asked.
~ ~ ~
"I believe I will like this one," Teyla decided, tucking her legs under her. "A portrayal of survivors is both bittersweet and heartening."
"Yeah, except it's all about people who volunteer to live on an island and be mean to each other until all but one get kicked off," Rodney explained.
Ronon grinned. "So it's kind of like Atlantis."
Rodney looked alarmed so John sighed and stood up. "So," he asked wearily. "Who's up for some stick-fighting?"
~ ~ ~
Okay, that took way longer than it needed to. : P More later!